heart's playground

Ah well, just a minute ago I might have done a blog post in all caps and absolutely no mercy left for whoever i'm referring to. But right now i've managed to calm down and reduce it to one sms:
"Heyhey, where do you want the intermission to be? and there's a new emcee?!"


Let me see how long more i can endure this. hmm...

Feeling much better already, thanks to everyone who gave me well-wishes (: my throat and nose will still be weird for the next few days, but guess that won't impede my daily functioning too much.

But so many things still unconfirmed >< Eh can you seriously stop making so many last-minute changes arh? Booklet needs to be printed, programme needs to be finalised, juniors need to learn their songs. And seriously stop giving me last-minute surprises. You're lucky enough that the juniors are highly adaptable to sudden changes like this. But I can't promise quality this way.

Sigh...
This song never fails to touch my heart though (:

1) "I seriously donno how concept team is doing. Don't know if can trust them to do a proper script or not."
"Aiya but the script is X do one la, I trust X's writing."
"...no. X only did the starting and ending of the script."
"Oh. Then I think only the starting and ending will be good."

Like that la...

2) “今天在学校真的很惨呐，看 physics 看到头 blur 掉。”
“你没有读书，当然会 blur 啦。”

Like that lor. Anyhow say I never study. How would you know, if you didn't personally witness me study / slack? And I was blur because of a stupid headache. I did my tutorial in advance tyvm.

Stupid things like this. In addition to my sickness (runny nose + verge of fever). Rawr.

it's really a bad time to fall sick x.x

The Words the Happy say
Emily Dickinson

The words the happy say
Are paltry melody
But those the silent feel
Are beautiful
 

I learnt alot of new things today... >< and I realised that everything is reverting back to the old form. Oh no. I hope not. ><
Literally cca-ed the whole day (8am to 9pm), and I don't know if it's worth the effort. Cos it goes unnoticed anyway.
:/

I used to believe in miracles, i really did. Because that's the only way to convince myself that life would get better.
Then after a year in JC, I stopped believing in miracles, because I realised that only hard work matters.
Today, however, I'm obliged to believe in miracles. Quoting my section friend, "because I have no other choice."

Should I believe in miracles? J1s, would you guys believe in miracles?
2 weeks left. Let's make the best out of it, shall we?

Macs iced mocha has really become my comfort drink. Especially after CCA sessions when I get screwed / I begin believing that things are going wrong because of me.
Rawr.

On another note,
I'll write positive feedback when I submit post-concert reflections to the teachers, and YOU'LL PROBABLY GET A VERY NICE PERSONAL STATEMENT! And this is not only restricted to ticket sales, but also to your performance during sectionals e.g. how hardworking you are, whether you come for CCAs conscientiously and punctually, improvement shown at the CCA, etc.
... how about training the J1s? Does that count too? cos if that is not counted, I would have been a very bad CCA member cos I keep on ponning sectionals to train J1s. and i'm an SL somemore.

I really get nothing out of this. I'm doing this really because I have faith.

This one is not directed at anyone, unlike the previous 心语 posts ><
Fac outing today kinda made me realise that while JC life had forced me to grow up in some ways, it has made me vulnerable in other ways too. How to say, I trust people too easily now? Cannot cannot. Must find the hardened, callused self back.
I should stop expecting others to 替我撑腰 and exploit my own abilities instead.

忽然发现早已忘记对这世界该有什麽感觉  忽然惊觉这个世界少了我也没有什麽差别 

This one was taken from http://www.rinabeana.com/poemoftheday/. Enjoy!

A Son with a Future
Charles Reznikoff

When he was four years old, he stood at the window during a
   thunderstorm. His father, a tailor, sat on the table sewing.
   He came up to his father and said, “I know what makes
   thunder: two clouds knock together.”
When he was older, he recited well-known rants at parties.
   They all said that he would be a lawyer.
At law school he won a prize for an essay. Afterwards, he
   became the chum of an only son of rich people. They
   were said to think the world of the young lawyer.
The Appellate Division considered the matter of his disbarment.
   His relatives heard rumours of embezzlement.

When a boy, to keep himself at school, he had worked in a
   drug store.
Now he turned to this half-forgotten work, among perfumes
   and pungent drugs, quiet after the hubble-bubble of the
   courts and the search in law books.
He had just enough money to buy a drug store in a side
   street.
Influenza broke out. The old tailor was still keeping his shop
   and sitting cross-legged on the table sewing, but he was
   half-blind.
He, too, was taken sick. As he lay in bed he thought, “What a
   lot of money doctors and druggists must be making; now
   is my son’s chance.”
They did not tell him that his son was dead of influenza.

Escapism: mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant or banal aspects of daily life. It can also be used as a term to define the actions people take to help relieve persisting feelings of depression or general sadness.

I must admit, I had time and again used escapism to hide from the truth. It's sometimes easier to seek comfort from an inner imaginary world than to reconcile with the harshness of life. But one thing I know is that I can't live in my own world forever. Someday I would need to pluck up the courage, take a needle and poke at the bubble I created for myself.
It hurts but yeah.
I don't know if I have the rights to wave my needle around and wake those around me though... it's for their own good after all.